The Most Important Empowering Question For Parents, Part 2

In part 1 of the article, we talked about how "what do I want my child to learn from this?" is the #1 empowering question for parents. But we explained that there is a mindset that you need to have to really make this question a success.

First, a wake-up call: of course you can ask yourself "what do I want my child to learn?"...

... but you cannot MAKE them learn it. "Wanting" something doesn't make it happen, no matter how hard you want it.

So  you have to also have the mindset that you can only influence what they learn, not control it. And as with any form of infuence, there are a variety of tools and techniques that can help you with this.

The first is to "walk the talk". If you want your child to learn how to play fair, you have to play fair yourself. And you have to make sure other children do.

I remember a time we had a friend over to visit, with their nephew, around my son's age (just under 3 years). The nephew was hogging one of the toys, and refusing to let my boy play with it, so we all tried to cajole the nephew int sharing, to no avail. Then my boy stepped into the fray, and told the nephew "it my turn".

Again, the nephew refused to hand over the toy. My son just looked at me, as if to say "Dad, come on. You know this isn't right. I've got be fair, but he doesn't? Do something about it!"

So I did. I stepped up to the plate and told the other boy in no uncertain terms that he had to share it with my son. He responded to the "this is your last chance" tone in my voice and handed over the toy.

The second tool is simply to explain things. Get down to your child's level, and talk to them like they are an adult. You'd be surprised how much your child understands.

The third tool is simply repitition. My walking your talk, explaining, and so on, each and every time you want your child to learn a certain thing, you're helping to drive the point home. Eventually, it will probably take.

Finally, just ask them what they learned (when they're old enough to be able to answer fully). You might be surprised what they did learn, and if it wasn't what you wanted, you can work out how to turn what they did learn, into what you wanted.

There you go. A few tips on how to deal with the fact that your child will rarely learn what you want them to. Hopefully, the strength of the question "What do I want my child to learn from this?" is obvious to you, and if you're interested in learning more about empowering questions, see the site's front page.